I messed up again today.

Late last year, a woman on the street approached me in the late evening for money for a bus ride to get home.  Some friends and I were walking to a restaurant in the Over the Rhine neighborhood of Cincinnati.  She surprised me as we got out of the car and my first reaction was no...I don't have any cash.  But I did.  I had a few dollars in my wallet  I could have given her.  But I didn't...and I don't know why.  It's not like I couldn't afford it.   Why was my first reaction...no?? I beat myself up the rest of the evening.  Once we were seated in the restaurant, I excused myself and went back out on the street, seeing if she was still there, trying to make amends.  She wasn't so I couldn't.  I promised myself that night I would never let that happen again.  If someone asks, I will give.

But I didn't.  Today while filling my car with gas at a local gas station, a man walked up behind me, surprised me, and asked me if I had some money.  He said he had just been released from the hospital and needed money to pay for his next dialysis.  I knew that was a lie.  I know the local hospital will treat indigent and homeless people regardless of their ability to pay.  That's what I told myself as I explained I did not have any available cash.  What is wrong with me?

I have worked with homeless, I have volunteered at shelters.  I know most times, the money given is spent on alcohol or drugs.  The right thing to do would be to offer a meal or direction for help.   But I promised to give.  I have no excuse.  It is Holy Week.  I now understand how Peter felt.