It's been a while since my last post.  The season of Autumn is upon us.  For me this Autumn will be a time of letting go.  Be in tune with the natural progression of things, like the big elm tree in my back yard.  Letting the leaves fall.  Stripping down to just the bare minimum to prepare for a winter of introspection.

"What you seek is seeking you."  - Rumi

I'm at that place again.  Time to climb again??   I spent over 30 years with the same company. The positions varied over the years but it was still the same place, same business, same customers...comfortable.  But I was dying there.  I made excuses on why I couldn't...wouldn't leave.  Made mistakes.  Opened my heart only to have it stomped on time and time again.

Finally, God literally plucked me from that place and gently placed me on a new path, the one I have been traveling for the past 5 years...and 3 jobs.  One job lead to another, then to another: soup kitchen; homeless shelter; home for abused children.  Now after 2 years at The Home, I hear the siren song again.  But what is the song saying, drawing me to?  To go?  To stay?

We've accomplished much in two years, this team I am blessed to work with.  There is more to do.  What is the song saying?

Happy Independence Day

"Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one."   - Benjamin Franklin 

Where I am today...


Look around me
I can see my life before me
Running rings around the way
It used to be.
I am older now
I have more than what I wanted
But I wish that I had started
Long before I did

And there's so much time to make up
Everywhere you turn
Time we have wasted on the way
So much water moving
Underneath the bridge
Let the water come and carry us away
Oh when you were young
Did you question all the answers
Did you envy all the dancers
Who had all the nerve
Look round you know
You must go for what you wanted
Look at all my friends who did and got what they deserved

And there's so much love to make up
Everywhere you turn
Love we have wasted on the way
So much water moving
Underneath the bridge
Let the water come and carry us away
Let the water come and carry us away
             -Crosby, Stills and Nash

Just finished up a 10 day stretch without a day off.  Annual Fundraiser was this past weekend.  We changed it up this year.  The standard "festival" format was dying.  Everybody does them.  We weren't making money anymore.  So...we changed to a Music and Arts Festival.

Wow...people don't like change.

So many people questioned our sanity.  Why the change?  What are you doing? How are you going to make money doing that?

Well, we did it.  A great team put together a musical extravaganza...and we made money.  People loved it.

But...the past ten days have taken a physical, mental and emotional toll.  My energy level is low. So taking a few days off to re-charge.  Started with a massage.  One of the best things I have ever done for myself.  Tomorrow, coffee with a friend. Touch base with my spiritual director.  Maybe a walk on a Labyrinth to re-center.

Life is good.

Paradox.  Today is an extraordinarily beautiful day.  Perfect temps in the 70's (F), blue sky between white cotton clouds, gentle breeze, a perfect spring day in Northern Kentucky, and yet...a friend struggle's for life fighting cancer, my sister is challenged by some heart health issues, another friend's daughter in law passed away unexpectedly.  

"The moment you accept what troubles you've been given, the door will open.  Welcome difficulty as a familiar comrade. Joke with torment brought by the friend.  Sorrows are the rags of old clothes and jackets that serve to cover, then are taken off.  That undressing and the beautiful naked body underneath is the sweetness that comes after grief.  The hurt you embrace becomes joy. Call it to you where it can change."  - Rumi

My neighbor George passed away this week.  He was buried on his 89th birthday, May 24th.  George was successful in business and retired early.  By the time we moved into our house 30 years ago, George was in the process of retiring.  Almost all of the time I knew him, George was retired.  Our kids anointed him the Mayor of our street.  George would hold court on his front porch.   If the weather permitted, that is where George spent most of his time, sitting in the chair on the front porch.  I spent many hours sitting with him, solving the worlds problems and listening to his stories of life (many from his time as a U.S. Marine in WWII in the Pacific Theater)  Fitting that he should pass so close to Memorial Day.

George was born when Calvin Coolidge was President of the United States.  1924 - 2013.  He did a lot of living in that 89 years.  I was blessed to have known George these 30 years.  I will miss him.  I will celebrate and remember him this Memorial Day Weekend. We'll be together again soon...but not yet.

Just returned from a week on the beach in Florida.  Perfect weather, white sand, beautiful sunsets. Paying attention to my body during this time, it took two or three days to wind down from the high speed pace of day to day living.  Just when you get to that sweet spot of relaxation, it's time to leave.

On my first day back to work, it seem as the world was moving at a much faster pace than I was going. It was surreal...and I don't want to go back to that hectic way of life.  How do I stay centered and not get drawn in to the craziness??  Centering prayer and yoga, take me to that peaceful place.

I can sense your presence in my Heart although you belong to all the worlds. - Rumi

Follow your bliss.   Joseph Campbell told me this many moons ago.  I was reminded of it again by way of an online course I am taking from Cynthia Bourgeault.  So I ask myself the question again today.  Am I following my bliss?  Am I doing what I need/want to be doing to fulfill my tiny little part of this big universe?

Some thought and reflection to attend to over the next few days.

Peaceful Path

And a man said, Speak to us of Self-Knowledge

And he answered saying:
Your hearts know in silence the secrets
   of the days and the nights. 
But your ears thirst for the sound
   of your heart's knowledge. 
You would know in words that which
you have always known in thought. 

Say not, "I have found the truth,"
   but rather, "I have found a truth."
Say not, "I have found the path of the soul."
Say rather, "I have found the soul walking along my path." 

For the soul walks along all paths.

The soul walks upon not as line,
   neither does it grow like a reed.

The soul unfolds itself
   like a lotus of countless pedals. 

                     - Kahlil Gilbran


 

“But listen to me. For one moment
quit being sad. Hear blessings
dropping their blossoms
around you.” 
― Rumi

Sadness

I cry tonight for Boston, for the people whose lives have been forever altered by an act of senseless violence,  But I also cry for Kabul and Aleppo and Baghdad and Jerusalem. For innocents die there every day too.  And I pray...please heal us.

"How many deaths will it take til we know,
that too many people have died?
The answer my friend, is blown in the wind.
The answer is blowing in the wind."

Anger vs Empathy

I didn't sleep well last night.  I have an in-law who seems over the past few years to have become very angry and cynical.  He espouses a world view that differs from mine.  And that's ok.  But the attacking and angry way he communicates his view became offensive to me.

I spent time with him yesterday at a birthday party for a family member.  He started into a "speech" on all the problems in the United States, from gays (no marriage) to education (a cesspool)  to gun control (no controls) to democrats (screwing up the country since before the Civil War), et el.

I don't know if he wanted to debate all of this or since he had a captive audience, it was one more place to voice his opinions.  (he is prolific op ed contributor to the local newspapers.)  I did not join in the debate...for two reasons.  I am a conflict avoider. It is not one of my better traits.  There is always conflict and the ideal is to address it in the most loving way possible.  I have much work to do on that.  But the bigger reason is that debate would have been useless.  I think rather that look at an opposing opinion, he much more wanted the chance to prove himself right and others (me) wrong.

 I struggled with anger last night, angry at his angry words...hence my lack of sleep.  I came across a quote this morning which has softened my anger and moved me back toward love.

"The opposite of anger is empathy."

I will practice empathy today.

"Out beyond the fields of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field.  I will meet you there." - Rumi

 

 

This is by far my favorite time of the year.  Easter is my favorite religious celebration and Baseball is my favorite sport.  Some musings on both.

 

Yesterday was Easter Sunday, the first Easter without mom.  She left the planet in May of 2012.  .  Mom always had brunch on Easter Sunday.  She put so much effort into what was always a fabulous spread of culinary delights.  Mom was a great cook.  Tradition changed.

 

Our family enjoyed Easter brunch yesterday, gathering at my sister's house.  It obviously wasn't the same without mom but there was something other than mom missing.  One of the dishes mom always served was a thin ham and sauce concoction that you put over biscuits.  No one could find the recipe.  We had everything else, the egg casseroles, the danish, the fruit, the goetta (a German breakfast sausage popular in the Greater Cincinnati Area).  

 

Maybe mom had a hand in that.  We think maybe the recipe was never written down.  She just knew what to do.  Maybe mom kept that with her yesterday to let us know that it's ok to move on. She's ok. We'll see her again soon.  Thanks mom and Happy Easter.

 

Today is Opening Day in Cincinnati, an unofficial holiday.  Hope springs eternal on Opening Day.  The start of a new season; anticipation of a great year; the promise of warmer temperatures, the smell of spring;  Of all of the sports, only baseball, I think, is better experienced in person, at the ball park.  

 

Baseball is such the antithesis in our warp speed world.  No time, no clock, 9 innings, could take 2 hours, could take 4.  Beer, peanuts, hot dogs.  Being outside on a warm sunny day...

 

“People will come, Ray. They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. "Of course, we won't mind if you look around", you'll say, "It's only $20 per person". They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they'll watch the game and it'll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good and that could be again. Oh...people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.”
― James Earl Jones   

 

 

 

 

 

 

I messed up again today.

Late last year, a woman on the street approached me in the late evening for money for a bus ride to get home.  Some friends and I were walking to a restaurant in the Over the Rhine neighborhood of Cincinnati.  She surprised me as we got out of the car and my first reaction was no...I don't have any cash.  But I did.  I had a few dollars in my wallet  I could have given her.  But I didn't...and I don't know why.  It's not like I couldn't afford it.   Why was my first reaction...no?? I beat myself up the rest of the evening.  Once we were seated in the restaurant, I excused myself and went back out on the street, seeing if she was still there, trying to make amends.  She wasn't so I couldn't.  I promised myself that night I would never let that happen again.  If someone asks, I will give.

But I didn't.  Today while filling my car with gas at a local gas station, a man walked up behind me, surprised me, and asked me if I had some money.  He said he had just been released from the hospital and needed money to pay for his next dialysis.  I knew that was a lie.  I know the local hospital will treat indigent and homeless people regardless of their ability to pay.  That's what I told myself as I explained I did not have any available cash.  What is wrong with me?

I have worked with homeless, I have volunteered at shelters.  I know most times, the money given is spent on alcohol or drugs.  The right thing to do would be to offer a meal or direction for help.   But I promised to give.  I have no excuse.  It is Holy Week.  I now understand how Peter felt.

Spring showed some promise today.  After much below normal temperatures for early spring, the sun shone today.   Though winter's cold still chills the air, it was a nice spring day.

I shouldn't have watched the local evening news.  They're talking 1 - 3 inches of snow on Sunday.

So we wait a bit longer.

Well, here it is.  My first blog post. I had intended this to happen weeks ago but...life happened instead.  For anyone who might read this, I am just going to write about what resonates with me and hopefully you might find something to take along with you.

First post on the first day of spring 2013.  I guess that has some cosmic meaning, doesn't it?  But it sure doesn't feel like spring in the Ohio Valley.  Down to 18 tonight, only mid 30's tomorrow.  Come on spring, opening day for the Reds is only 12 days away!

Ok, nothing profound on the first post.  It's a start.  I'll get better at this.  Promise.

Peace like a river.